Ryan States

I see your face in a picture imagine u were smilin’ at me your photograph in my bedroom but you’re workin’ over seas I’ll never forget what u told me that u were my friend (u were by best friend) can’t help thinkin’ of u constantly its not like you’re my latest trend, oh no EVERY TIME I TRY FORCED TO TELL YOU WHY I… LOVE THE WAY U ALWAYS UNDERSTAND ME I NEVER MET SOMEONE WITH A SMILE… SO Ooo LOVE THE WAY YOUR CONVERSATION’S FUNNY I THINK I MUST BE CRAZY I’M CRAZY ‘BOUT U Once in a while when we talk all night I like 2 make promises you know that I’ll do u right & you’ll never hear excuses You’re the one I’ve been lookin’ for don’t think I’ll pass u by I’ll never leave u wanting more & I’ll never make u cry [climb & chorus: repeat 2x] © 2001 Ryan States

I wrote this in Texas the year I came out to myself. I was anticipating what it might be like coming out to my family. 

[Lyric]

The people who love me

are going to leave me

I’m not being prophetic

just realistic

My friends will join me

they’ll take me in their family

where everyone is welcome

to always come back home

Sometimes the best people

have a black list

Even good people

go bad when it comes to this

Forget what you’ve heard

The stereotypes are wrong

Please don’t believe a word

Trust me on this one

An old Chicago winter

sitting with my brother

on a bench at the train stop

put his arm on my shoulder

I dreamt you hugged me today

you thought I was okay

like you did when I was small

the thought made me bawl

Sometimes the best people

have a black list

Even good people

go bad when it comes to this

Forget what you’ve heard

The stereotypes are wrong

Please don’t believe a word

Trust me on this one

The people who love me

are going to leave me

I’m not being prophetic

just realistic

My friends will join me

they’ll take me in their family

where everyone is welcome

to always come back home

You think I’m dying

for your forgiveness

but aren’t you trying to understand

it’s not an illness

You think I’m crying

for your acceptance

but I already have true friends

just wish you were one of them

Sometimes the best people

have a black list

Even good people

go bad when it comes to this

Forget what you’ve heard

The stereotypes are wrong

Please don’t believe a word

Trust me on this one

Who’s the girl that you’re talkin’ to do you think that she’s good for you never know what’s goin’ through your head do you want me instead Look at you when you stare at me whatcha do when I’m not handy let me say somethin’ if you’re strong you can stay by me if you want to… HIGHER LET ME WHISPER TO YOU LONGER LONG BEFORE I AM THROUGH HIGHER I’LL BE OPEN TO YOU YOU CAN STAY BY ME IF YOU WANT TO HIGHER LET ME WHISPER TO YOU LONGER LONG BEFORE I AM THROUGH HIGHER CAN I HAVE WHAT YOU DO YOU CAN STAY BY ME IF YOU WANT TO Not tryin’ to be hard on you all the grief that I put you through you see, boy I’ve been hurt in the past but I believe we could last You know I wanna be into you and I know it’ll be so Ooo let me say somethin’ if you’re strong you can stay by me if you want to… Stay by me so much higher stay, stay baby you can stay by me my baby CHORUS: repeat © 1997 Ryan States

This is a song I wrote the year I came out. It addresses hate crimes, hypocrisy and asks where prejudice comes from. 

[Lyric]

an early sunday morning

two friends take a walk

take a moment for a kiss

then one gets shot

an early sunday morning

two friends take a walk

take a moment for a kiss

then one gets shot

he’s got a bible to believe

and a hate crime up his sleeve

he’s got a gun in his hand

and not a single black friend uh oh, uh oh

maybe I’m paranoid

but now I feel torn

cause I remember Jason

who died for being born

you’re feeling so safe

misusing your bible

shoot all nonbelievers

was that the golden rule?

if you’re not a straight white male

Christian republican

they’ll shoot you dead with the bible in

the other hand

ignorance, to fear

hate, to crime

somebody explain why Jason died

(why he died)

on the outside

he’s a tough redneck

but on the inside

scared to death

he’s got a bible to believe

and a hate crime up his sleeve

he’s got a gun in his hand

and not a single Jewish friend, shhh uh oh, uh oh

maybe I’m paranoid

but now I feel torn cause

I remember Jason

who died for being born

walking with my partner

down the dark street

lookin’ over my shoulder

tonight I don’t wanna get beat

I don’t wanna have to run

or jump no fence

but never underestimate

the potential of a chain of events!

ignorance, to fear

hate, to crime

somebody explain why Jason died

(why he died)

on the outside

he’s a tough redneck

but on the inside

scared to death

he laughs at this song

he knows that it’s wrong

he’s even proud of himself but he can’t help it

cause his mind is totally gone

he’s got a bible to believe

and a hate crime up his sleeve

he’s got a gun in his hand

and not a single gay friend uh oh, uh oh

maybe I’m paranoid

but now I feel torn

cause I remember Jason

who died for being born

daddy raise your daughters

mama raise your sons

why you keep teachin’ your children

to hate everyone

I’m not talkin’ ‘bout my parents

I’m not talkin’ about yours

there’s so many wicked people

but not you of course

© 1999 Ryan States

Have you ever had to say goodbye

to the one you needed most

the one that gave you life

Have you ever had to say goodbye

Do you wonder what it’s like

in that place up in the sky?

Thursday I went to see my mom

Only to find she had passed on

I was the first one on the scene

No one home to hear my scream

Guess that’s just my bad luck

I wonder how I can even talk

about all this out loud

I just need to hear the words from my mouth

You see I could hold it in

but I can’t stop the tears that fall from my chin

The visions come again

and her image reappears in my head

I try not to think about it

When I’m at work I fight it

How can I get these pictures out of my head

Seeing her then

Have you ever had to say goodbye

to the one you needed most

the one that gave you life

Have you ever had to say goodbye

Do you wonder what it’s like

in that place up in the sky

To think that her last moments  

were spent all alone

I wonder what I could have done

if I hadn’t left her on her own

Thank god she knew I loved her

I couldn’t live with myself if she was

entering Forever…

not knowing how I felt

What do I have to remember you by

Where can I go, what can I find

No one else reminds me of you

But something inside of me came from you

Have you ever had to say goodbye

to the one you needed most

the one that gave you life

Have you ever had to say goodbye

Do you wonder what it’s like

in that place up in the sky

Have you ever had to say goodbye

to the one you needed most

the one that gave you life

Have you ever had to say goodbye

and you can’t find a soul

explain the reason why

Have you ever

Have you ever said

goodbye

© 1998 Ryan States

AT NIGHT FEEL LIKE CAN’T GO ON AND ON CAN’T SURVIVE ANYMORE WITHOUT YOU AT NIGHT FEEL LIKE CAN’T GO ON AND ON IT’S ALL RIGHT ‘CAUSE YOU’RE HERE RIGHT NOW don’t think anything this moment’s all I think about the chemical composition of my body changed when I first saw your wanting eyes delicious mouth its not just our first night, no goes much deeper than that its all yours, give you anything its all yours, give you anything AT NIGHT FEEL LIKE CAN’T GO ON AND ON CAN’T SURVIVE ANYMORE WITHOUT YOU AT NIGHT FEEL LIKE CAN’T GO ON AND ON IT’S ALL RIGHT ‘CAUSE YOU’RE HERE RIGHT NOW waited so long, that time is gone built you up so high in my mind don’t be nervous don’t be serious I’ll be what you want take my time its not just our first night, no goes much deeper than that it’s all yours, give you anything its all yours, give you anything repeat: CHORUS (right now) my body, my mind (right now) my soul’s only half full without you (right now) my body, my mind (right now) my soul’s only half full without you repeat: CHORUS 2x © 2001 Ryan States

The song ends with the sun piercing over the skyline-horizon and overcomes the song.

[monophonic sine wave solo] playing with you in darkness slide your hand ‘cross my chest we’ve both come here we lay you doze off and I watch you no promises no expectation laying inside surrounding you ASK ME TO STAY ANOTHER MINUTE BEFORE THE SUN WAKES THE CITY ASK ME TO STAY ANOTHER MOMENT BEFORE IT’S DONE AND I MUST LEAVE [4 bar instru interlude] so generous in darkness I came first you watched me burst your turn came it was the same there’s no talking only loving no promises no expectation laying inside surrounding you ASK ME TO STAY ANOTHER MINUTE BEFORE THE SUN WAKES THE CITY ASK ME TO STAY ANOTHER MOMENT BEFORE IT’S DONE AND I MUST LEAVE I promise I wasn’t trying to score I was leaving but stayed for more Do that again what you did with your mouth using your hand as it moves south chorus: repeat 2x (2nd time with vox distortion) [extended instrumental outro] © 1999 Ryan States

Recorded in Highland Village Texas. Guitar parts recorded in Denton at Cameron's apartment with a portable 8-track digital recorder. My car died that night. I remember getting it towed. I rode in the tow truck and the 8-track rode in a cardboard box in the backseat of my car.

She always said that she’d go to college used to be daddy’s little girl lately doesn’t pay much homage now she dances to pay the bills She got a brand new place a hundred-fifty million bucks a month ooh, Richard gets in her face he thinks the stage can’t be all that fun JUST TRYIN’ TO MAKE THINGS BETTER SHE NEVER WAS BETTER OFF JUST TRYIN’ TO MAKE THINGS BETTER SHE NEVER WAS BETTER OFF She says she knows who she is her fame gave her a thick skin “can’t you see its just showbiz? ain’t nobody gonna do me in” And do what you want not what they’re tellin’ you even though it costs a lot for the prize bet they would too chorus: repeat [rap] it’s the home of the brave but lets lay it on the table it takes courage to be compelled to be charitable? everyone works no one’s secure being antigovernment isn’t gonna be the answer so turn it up! eighteen incher in the trunk gonna build house gonna build a house of funk it’s what you can’t debunk he who says it, don’t posses it millennium paranoia all I hear is the same old noise again and again all ye citizens all ye nations, go grab your friends “the end of the world is near” that’s funny thought it was last year, I bet money For the 900th time still sounds the same did you ever notice we can’t even predict the rain? chorus: repeat 2x © 1997 Ryan States